An engagement ring is an expensive, seemingly indestructible version of those red tags taped to furniture that say: Sold. Move on, prospective buyer. This one's taken.
At 20 I knew I'd never wear one. I wish I'd stuck to my guns.
A sorority may be an unlikely place to develop an aversion to engagement rings. In fact, I may have been the only sorority girl on the planet turned off by ritualized diamond envy. Sorority girls would gather in a circle, sing the sweetheart song and pass around a lighted taper adorned with baby's breath and roses. No one knew who was engaged until the bride-to-be revealed herself by blowing out the candle. Squeals, gasps and tears followed.
"Ahhhhh! Let me see the it!" the sisters would say, and the future bride would extend her hand to all who gathered to see the ring.
After she left, the comments really got rolling:
"Did you see the size of Susana's ring?"
"Yeah, what do you think? More than a carat?"
"It's sure bigger than Mary's. Hers was so small you needed a microscope to see it."
"I don't like pear-shaped. I wouldn't want one like that."
"She says the wedding band has diamonds on it too. Geez, that guy must be loaded."
I don't remember anyone asking important questions like, "Do they love each other?"
A few years later, I caved, and one of those rings ended up on my hand. I told him I didn't want an engagement ring, but he wanted to give it to me so badly.
"We're going to be married," he said, like a 5-year-old bringing daisies to the little girl across the street. "I want to buy you a ring."
I could have gotten engaged without the ring, but I had to admit, the diamonds were attractive. Those sparkling facets wink at you. They beckon, tempt and eventually seduce you.
He had asked me to marry him four times before I said yes. When I finally did agree, I meant it. Who knew he would turn out to be the one who was just pretending.
In those first romantic evenings he told me, "Don't worry, if we run out of cash, there's always credit." Why did I think that was funny? Why did I think he was kidding? He used fake money to pay for a real ring, all part of his fantasy world.